Hello 2008!

As the hour approached you could hear the beginnings of a wild night. Gun shots were heard sporadically throughout the evening, but nothing compared to what was coming. As the clock struck midnight the air filled with the sound of gunfire. It was nothing I had ever heard before. Shot after shot rang out! Tracer fire lit up the Baghdad sky. Bullets are much easier to come by than fireworks in Baghdad, so that is what the Iraqis use. Firing round after round into the air in celebration. What they don't realize, or don't care about, is that every bullet that goes up must come down.

As my good friend Bob was walking to his car a bullet came screaming down, burying itself in the hood of his car. As I was wishing my wife a Happy New Year bullets struck nearby, startling me. It was a welcoming of the New Year like none I have ever seen.

Growing up in America our idea of properly welcoming the New Year tends to dwell somewhere along the lines of champagne, fireworks, and a kiss. Putting on your finest clothes and heading out to a party with friends and family, or perhaps something a little less informal...

My most memorable New Years was spent around a campfire in the backwoods of South East Texas drinking beer, and playing guitar. I think we all ended up dancing naked around the fire that night, while singing and clapping in time. What really happened that night I'll never tell, but man what memories. We drowned our demons in beer that night before tossing them back into the fires from which they came. Using the first day of the new year as a launching point for the new lives we had vowed to begin, we laid it all on the line.

That year all those involved in the celebration had resolutions and promises to themselves and to others. Many of which we kept, while others ended in disappointment. This year however, I have a different feeling and attitude about it all. I am not making any promises of reform, nor do I have any resolutions to confess. I have said many times lately that I can feel something moving within my life, I can feel the change brewing. For once I have a handle on things and know where I want to be and how I am going to get there. I am no longer planning things, but I am living them. But... I guess if there was a promise, or resolution to be made it would be this... May I be true to myself and my family, and may we follow our hearts and our dreams into the New Year.

I wish you all the best in 2008!

Happy New Year!


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"Oh my Lord, Lord, Lord... Uh huh!" -SG

"Happy New Years baby! We could probably fix it if we cleaned it up all day, or we could simply pack our bags and catch a plane to Barcelona 'cause this city's a drag..." -AD

Streets of Baghdad

Children are an amazing thing. Always growing and learning, pushing themselves to new levels of achievement. In the face of adversity they are the most resilient and uncompromising group of people one could hope to know. Teaching us more about life than the intellectuals and scholars. For, the lessons they teach are the lessons that make this world go round. Forgiveness, adaptability, relentless pursuit of their dreams. Dreams, that many of us lose faith in as we grow older.

Jesus spoke of having faith like a child. The children I had the joy of meeting yesterday were no exception, exhibiting a sense of happiness and exuberance like I have never before seen.

I spent the majority of the day yesterday with a group of Iraqi Scouts. Not some militaristic group of soldiers scouring neighborhoods searching for their enemy, but Boy and Girl Scouts. Amidst their ever changing violent world these children have dedicated themselves to learning and bettering themselves, and their leadership skills, through Scouting.

Taken from a Public Affairs article...

"Iraq was one of the first founders of Scouting in the Arab Region but lost international backing in the 90's when Sadaam Hussein changed the organizational goals and mission. However, the "Green Zone Council" a group which includes state department and military personnel in collaboration with local leaders, is working to foster the rebirth of Scouting in Iraq as a way to teach, coach, and mentor youth in values and skills that will set them up for success in life."

These kids were amazing!!! Their energy was overwhelming from the minute we arrived. Their spirit of love and friendship was one I will not soon forget. Not to mention the beauty of their spirit within.

I just hope that my time with them will of helped them in some way. Maybe to show them that Americans do care for them and for their future... To show them that there is hope when it sometimes doesn't feel that way. Regardless, of how I may have, or have not, affected their lives, I know they have forever changed mine.

May my photographs be a reflection of the hope that has not only been placed in the hearts and hands of the Iraqi children, but a reflection of the hope found within me.

painting the town...

To me there is nothing more intimidating than a blank page, a blank canvas, or unexposed film. My mind racing with the limitless possibilities, and the self consciousness of letting my reader, critics, or audience down.

“Should I say this or that?”

“How do I convey my thoughts in a way that others will understand… in a way that I will understand?”

And so it goes until at last, I have filled the pages with smudges of ink… placed paint upon canvas… exposed light onto film. Very often happily surprised with the results, other times learning more about myself through the beautiful mistakes made in the process.

Like many before me, I view this life I lead as a blank canvas. A piece of fabric stretched and framed within the boundaries we have placed upon ourselves. And with every new decision, mistake, or triumph another piece of that canvas is painted in, until it seems we have no where else to go, no blank space left to paint.

Many use this opportunity to cover up things from the past, hiding the brush strokes that define where they came from, who they were, or may still be. Others simply have too much life to live, wanting to embrace it all… stretching their canvas to fit within a larger frame. Learning and growing, pushing the boundaries for a lifetime.

I’d like to think that I am more of the latter, but I know this is not always true. The energy and attitude required to stand up to such a task can be daunting. Often impaired by paranoid thought, or fear of failure, we paint ourselves into a box...unable to escape from these self defined parameters.

Let this New Year be a ground breaking year for us all. May we find the courage to break free of our own restraints. May we all be able to face the future with the idea of expanding our borders and embracing who we are rather than painting over the past.

So, the next time you stand in front of a blank page… a blank canvas… unexposed film… Fill them all with the words, paintings, and images of life. Exposing who you are and where you come from without hesitation. Pushing the boundaries while creating the greatest masterpiece you possibly can.

We are all artists.

We are all poets.

May 2008 be the year you learn to expose the beauty and expand the borders of this canvas we call life.

Happy New Year!

New Photo Website Launched!

After toying with the idea for quite sometime, I have finally launched a "real" website for my photographs. It is still a work in progress, so please be patient. To access it just click here.

Or good ol' copy and paste...

http://www.inthelikeness.com

Enjoy!

clarification...

After posting my latest entry I have had several emails of concern, and for that I am thankful. It was yet another display of concern indicative of all of the many caring people in my life. However, let me clarify that I am fine and that piece was written not just about me, but was spawned from a conversation I had with a few other Sailors and Airmen here in Iraq.

So... Everyone rest easy, I am fine.

And that is that.

Love and Peace...

Palatial Tendencies

Solitude is an intriguing thing to witness.

This evening as I walked through the Palace courtyard the loneliness was thick in the air. You could see it looming amidst the various groups of people hanging around the pool area doing whatever they could to make the time past. Yearning to feel as if they were a part of something. I am not speaking of being a part of the war effort, or the reconstruction of Iraq. I am talking about life away from work. When your day is done and you have nothing but time to sit and be still. It is during those times that we learn the most about ourselves. The times when, although surrounded, we are alone.

The cigar afficianados, brutishly huffing and puffing their cigars as if this was the best night of their lives. Treating these dime store, hand rolled treats as if they were the best money could buy. Surrounding themselves with others who, if not for a mutual love of cigars, would otherwise not be associated.

Or the poolside tables filled with the souls of those who have seen and felt a pain that is beyond comprehension to most in this world. Souls who have nothing left to say, so they sit in silence comforted by the knowledge that at that table they are not alone. Or so they tell themselves. But as they crawl back into their trailers and tents the demons of loneliness begn to circle their prey. Eventually creeping and crawling their way back into the minds of those who they have claimed their own.

Then there are those who, like myself, lock themselves away on their computer. Surfing the net for any form of life outside of thier immediate surroundings. Staring at their computer screens numb, and waiting for a new email or instant message to briefly transport them somewhere far away. Believing that with every electronic conversation the demons will be pushed further and further away. But, in the end the computer only seems to be a pawn under the control of loneliness. For, if there are no emails or messages being received the feeling of loneliness is compounded, and the sinking feeling of loneliness comes flooding in. Before they realize it, they are drowning in it. Gasping for a breath of life, or love to keep them afloat, to keep them alive.

It's not the IED's and the RPG's, nor is it the AK47's or mortar rounds. The most destructive bullet in Iraq is forged in the fire of loneliness. It is here that satan pounds, and hammers, and shapes this ammunition. With knowledge that there is nothing in this world that any man can make to keep it from penetrating their heart.
What the demons of loneliness did seem to forget is one thing that is not issued by the Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines. The piece of armor than cannot be penetrated. The armor of faith, and hope, and love.

For no matter how far away, nor how desolate and alone you may be. Those three pieces of armor will protect all who believe, and are wiling to embrace that which is unseen.

Perhaps God knew that it would take a trip to Iraq to realize that I have been walking around armorless. Leaving myself completely vulnerable to the attacks of satans pawns. I know that I am not unsucceptable to such things, but I will not let them take me down and out of the fight. I have my boots tied tight, my weapon at my side, and an impenetrable armor around my heart.

I am ready to walk these faithless streets.

resolutions and introspection...

The days have been growing surprisingly chilly. I came prepared for 130 degree days, but instead I have so far been blessed with mild days and cool nights.
The temperature difference is indicative of my time here in Iraq. Expecting one thing, yet getting another.

December is already upon us and it feels as though just yesterday it was July. This time of year always seems to get me thinking. Maybe it's the change of weather, or possibly just the spirit of the holidays that always seems to spark the desire for change within ones self. This year is no different than the last.

With the new year comes the thoughts of new possibilities, new dreams, and new hope to accomplish dreams from years past. Along with the new comes the self inflicted guilt of unaccomplishment. It can usually be found creeping around the back door of my brain. Waiting for the inopportune time to knock and make its presence known.

The introspection involved in times such as these can either be used to push on towards accomplishment or weigh us down, drowning us in self pity.

Now, I know this may seem like a premature ejaculation of thoughts. Already brooding over a year that has not yet passed, and looking forward to the year to come, but it's whats on my mind these days. For once I am not having any of these self loathing thoughts. I can feel the electricity of opportunity in the air!

There are great things happening in my life right now. And although it may take a fair amount of time before these aspirations come to fruition, I know in the end they will. Providing me with the closing pages to one chapter of my life, while opening another.

coffee black and egg white.

I'm sitting in my office, it's a Wednesday afternoon. Adam Duritz is telling me that maybe this year will be better than the last, as Christmas lights are flashing, blink..blink..blinkity..blink, in the office next to me. The flashing reflections reminding me of what I am missing... of what waits for me.

I know she is there, peacefully sleeping as I write these words. Maybe she's dreaming of me, as I often dream of her.

Lately it's been raining, the water and winter chill creeping it's way into her life. Soaking her to the bone with thoughts of loneliness, as I stand on the banks of a river far away, out of arms reach.

It's never easy, never has been. Giving thanks for someone who isn't there, someone you share your heartbeat with. Yet, she wakes every morn saying a prayer of thanks for who she is and what she has.

She shuffles about her apartment not yet fully awake, needing her morning coffee.

If only I could be there to pour her a cup.

I miss her.

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"A long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last. I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving. Oh' the days go by so fast..."